When I was looking at moving house a couple of years ago there were only a couple of requirements. I wanted high ceilings and plenty of light, three bedrooms so my children knew they always had a bed at mum's place even when they no longer lived with me. I wanted everything on the one level - sensible future-proofer that I am - as I envisioned those days when I might "have a fall" rather than just fall. Some kind of garden if I could. A walk-in pantry was the only non-negotiable.
Subscribe now for unlimited access.
$0/
(min cost $0)
or signup to continue reading
Surely, friends would ask, wouldn't you rather a walk-in wardrobe? I own more frypans than I do shoes so I knew what my priorities were.
Thankfully, I found a place that fulfilled all my desires. Except one, or now it so seems; there's a new show on Netflix which has me wondering whether or not I should have been looking for a sex room. A what?
How to Build a Sex Room is like a cross between the home improvement show Changing Rooms and something Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop network might put out (check out her Sex, Love and Goop, also on Netflix). There's even a touch of Super Nanny about it as the "Mary Poppins of sex rooms", chirpy Brit Melanie Rose, comes into people's homes and puts them on the very, very naughty chair.
In this eight-part series, Rose, who is an interior designer by trade, goes into people's homes, from couples, straight and gay, to a polyamorous family of seven, to a 52-year-old woman who's recently single and "wants to bang a lot". Imagine.
Rose asks the home-owners why they want a sex room and it goes way beyond a little home improvement. They are busy parents, or have been married a long time and watched as the passion has faded, one couple is doing it long-distance and they want a room where they can produce videos for each other to send across the country. Whatever their situation, the common thread is that they all want a space just for them, where they can learn to communicate their needs and wants again in a safe environment.
I know discussions about this stuff, about sex, can make people really uncomfortable, especially when they involve 50-something women, but Melanie Rose makes people feel extremely safe.
Even if the first thing she takes out of her bag of tricks is a riding crop.
The best thing about this show is that it's not explicit; rather it's instructional. From the home improvement angle and from the perspective that you might actually learn something about safe sex talk. Yes, there's a lot of kink and bondage and discussion of sex toys, but if it's happening in your own home, even better in your own sex room, what harm is being done?
The whole process is done with a sense of humour too. From the phallic coat rack hooks to the discussion of a privacy screen at 52-year-old Lisa's house, where the neighbour is super keen to find out about the conversion of the garden space, Melanie Rose keeps the mood light.
Her relationship with her handyman, Mike, is one of the best I've seen on television for ages. It's an even better dynamic than that of Keith and Dan on The Block. He's always willing to convert her ideas into practical plans, without asking too many questions about why the room needs a drainage hole or why he needs to place sturdy anchor points on the ceiling.
Oh to have a handy man as open and willing as Mike. Need a peep hole, or a bed big enough for seven? He's your man. Wielding a sledgehammer, sometimes rather too suggestively, or putting mirrors on the ceiling ... I'd be happy with a bloke who might be able to hang a few pictures on the walls.
Its approach to a very sensitive topic, for some at least, is very self-aware. It's educational from so many perspectives.
Making sex a taboo topic is what's at the heart of so many problems when it comes to sex education. Learning to communicate with your partner is key to respectful relationships. How will you ever know what your partner wants if you don't ask and explore things together?
One of my favourite makeovers was the refurbishing of a van belong to lesbian couple Sara and Heather. The addition of a full-size bed, some clever storage options for some intimate things and a rooftop deck where they could go and make love under the stars.
I couldn't help but wonder how many grey nomads might take inspiration from this episode before heading off to explore. So to speak.